I am indeed the world’s worst editor, and without spell check you wouldn’t understand a third of what I write. So after releasing this post, I reread it for the umpteen time, and realized that it was a mess. Hopefully the changes I have made make more sense and a better read. Thank you.
There is repetitive theme here with the constantly feeling at a 3 level. This is clearly good and a little bad. Good because I am not becoming ill, bad because I am not feeling great. Yes I realize I am being picky, but it is all about me. I have good and bad days as far as coughing goes the last few have been good. I have the usual 15 minute bout shortly after dinner and another 10 min bout when I lay down to read in bed. More and more it really makes sense (to me) that these coughing bouts are brought on by a change in my body position.
Now moving on to a more touchy subject. Depression as defined by the Encarta Dictionary is a state of unhappiness and hopelessness it can take on any or many or some or few of the following: dejection, poor concentration, lack of energy, inability to sleep, and, sometimes suicidal tendencies. This is an extremely wide blanket of feelings and emotions to describe someone. I would hazard to say that anyone that has a terminal disease suffers from some if not all of these. I am not the least bit immune to these feelings. Earlier this year I spoke to a therapist about issues that were going on in my head. I also have my family, my Support Group; these folks without knowing it are my sanity check. Without their positive feedback, without hearing that others suffer as I do, without the goodness that comes from each of them, I really don’t know if I would be handling this as well as I do. I am also fortunate to have developed a friendship with a professional; I talk to her about every 4 to 6 weeks. We will spend about an hour on the phone, and devote about 4 minutes to COPD; she’s a pretty cool person. I also have this, my blog as my main weapon to fight off depression and the trapping that come with it or because of it. But even with the support of my family, my friends, my Group, and my writing, I am sure that from time to time I will succumb to touches of depression, and will again as the time grows near.
So you’re asking what the heck brought this on. To make a short story long this morning as I pulled on my compression sock, I huffed and puffed, and realized I was out of breath doing that simple exercise. This is the same guy that goes to PT and does 20 reps of 40 to 60 lbs. presses, curls, and assorted other exercises 3 times a week, this same guy that gets on the treadmill and walks at 2.3 mph for 30 minutes without breaking a sweat. That huffing and puffing got to me, all I am saying it’s not the big things, we all find ways to manage the big things, and it’s the little ones that break our back. Folks, be mindful of this, depression can and will slip in without notice, and without caring what it does to you. Make sure you know and understand the signs so you can get help. Seek help in any fashion that is comfortable to you, but don’t try to fight it alone.
I am down to my final 3 PT’s sessions; despite what I said above I truly believe they are helping in a significant way. They have really helped so much that I will find a place to continue working out. The soreness that I have been feeling in my left shoulder is still there but not as strong as it has been. Last Tuesday night was league bowling night, and I rolled 136 – 137 – 188, you would think I would do better in the beginning, but that isn’t always the case. The important thing is I keep plunging along, and I am enjoying it to no end.