How I Feel Today 03.30.2013….

30 Mar

As we approach Easter, I hope all is well with you and your family.

Since I last reported (3/17/13) I have made progress, I won’t call it significant, but steady progress.  The nagging, gut wrenching cough has finally gone away, left with a more normal cough that just doesn’t rack me as before. The shortness of breath (SOB) is still ruling the day, and still catches me off guard, but even that doesn’t seem so bad or timely.  I am still managing to lose a little bit of weight without exercise, but this is due in part to the meds I am taking and a slight change in eating habits.

Since the 17th my INR has been all over the place.  Clearly this is due to the every changing meds I take or have taken to fight off the infections in my lungs.  I have had it checked three times, once it was 3.9, followed by an adjustment in medicine which took it to 1.9 followed by another adjustment which got it back to 2.2, success at last.

My heart doctor is giving me high 5’s and slapping my back, the echocardiogram I had in mid-March turned out to be great, for as bad as my lungs are, my heart is fine.  It’s always nice to be able to eliminate one potential illness.

Appointments with the infectious disease doctors’ and the results of the blood tests show a significant improvement in my while blood count, which is an indication that my body is winning the fight against the crap in my lungs.  As of today they want me to continue the current treatment plan for another week.  Hopefully next Thursday they will determine me “better” and pull the pic line.  Not that I am complaining (though I am), I just hate the shower process when a pic line is involved.  The pneumonia infection seems to have cleared my lungs, and overall it appears that the doctors may have the Pseudomonas and MRSA at bay. It is my understanding that the Pseudomonas is what has colonized in my lungs and while it maybe dormant at this moment, it could reach up and grab my ass whenever it chooses.   And most likely anytime I come up/down with a pneumonia infection, we will most likely also see a rise of the Pseudomonas

I am going to take a few of your moments to share with you a reoccurring dream I have.  I promise I will keep it as brief as possible.  As preface, those that know me know that I have a terminal disease (COPD) and that these “How I Feel…” posts are a reflection of my current health at the defined date.

I have a  reoccurring dream that I am once again in the hospital with pneumonia and that the Pseudomonas has taken a firm hold.  This trip to the hospital I am very very ill, so much so, that I slip into a coma.  During the course of the coma, I begin to cough, not that violent everyday kinda cough I normally get when ill, but a gut wrenching, double you over, hacking, that just continues and continues.  The cough goes on for days and days. After the first 24 hours of this cough I begin to cough up black ugly debris which spews from my lungs, so much so, they are forced to keep me on my side, and covering my face with a catch bag of sorts that keeps me from choking on the debris. After coughing continuously for almost a week, the cough finally begins to subside.  Then after another 24 hours it goes away.  I slowly start to come back from the coma, and as I my breathing is less labored, my lungs sound clearer, and I need less and less oxygen.  Finally I have completely recovered from the coma, to find that the coughing fit I had, was so productive that I coughed out the shit you can’t even suction from a lung. And while my breathing and lungs aren’t perfect, there is such a level of improvement that I can lead a pretty normal life.  The COPD wasn’t gone, but what I did was cough up so much crap that I bought 20 or so years of life without oxygen and a ton of medicines.  I found that maybe COPD wouldn’t be the thing to kill me.  And that I could live without the black cloud for a bit.

That folks is but one of the dreams someone with a terminal disease may have.  This dream is mine, and I am sure that many other folks with diseases such as mine, have their own variation of this dream.  Gosh I hope they do anyway, I would hate to think that I am alone in having a dream where I am not sick.

As always your comments, thoughts, suggestions are always welcome.  Please take care — Bill


Posted by on March 30, 2013 in How I feel on a particular day, Ramblings


Tags: , , , , , ,

8 responses to “How I Feel Today 03.30.2013….

  1. The Persecution of Mildred Dunlap

    March 30, 2013 at 6:24 pm

    What a great and fascinating post. I remember when I was really ill with Lyme disease and not knowing which course it was going to take (meningitis and cardiac involvement) I had a dream that I was in a house that was sinking, more being flooded and just went I was going under I learned to swim. Go figure. I like your dream! You got a lot of nice improvements here that I’m glad to read about.

    • FlaHam

      April 1, 2013 at 12:04 pm

      Paulette, When your ill you gather your strength from whatever source is made available to you. In some of us our dreams give us strength and power, I believe mine does, it would also appear that yours gave you strength as well. I guess I have used mine to help me get thru those rough periods. Alsoi, I like the results of my dream compared to the reality that will someday take place. Take care, Bill

      • The Persecution of Mildred Dunlap

        April 1, 2013 at 12:32 pm

        So true. BTW: I thought of you when I posted the reblog from Lorna’s. I thought you’d get a good laugh out of it. That woman is so talented and hilarious. Have a great day, friend. Paulette 🙂

  2. jmgoyder

    March 30, 2013 at 10:39 pm

    That dream is amazing!

    • FlaHam

      April 1, 2013 at 12:08 pm

      Julie, I sometimes dream in color, and this as I said is a reoccurring dream, sometimes it is much more vivid than others. Please take care, Bill

  3. Paula

    March 31, 2013 at 5:20 pm

    I am so happy for the wonderful progress you are making!!
    Your dream is amazing and so heart warming. I dream about being smothered. I like yours better
    God bless

    • FlaHam

      April 1, 2013 at 12:15 pm

      Paula, Thank you for your kind words, they truly mean a lot to me. You can share with me my dream, and make it in part yours as well. I am quite content to share it with you if it helps in any small measure. Please take care, Bill

  4. gita4elamats

    April 7, 2013 at 11:08 am

    Maybe it is a healing dream; the body repairs itself during REM/dream sleep. 🙂


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