How I Feel Today 05/24/13….

24 May

Good day folks, at best these bi-weekly posting are becoming hap hazard and that isn’t working for me. So I will be going back to writing them once a week. If nothing else I will use this space to just piss and moan. Well lots have changed and nothing has changed. Today I feel like a 2, not even a strong 2 just a weak 2. During my last report I was in the hospital, again suffering with pneumonia and all that comes with a hospital stay. I gave a reading that I felt like a 2. Though on a more pragmatic note, the bouts of pneumonia are coming much more often.

I was released from the hospital on Monday May 20th at 5pm (what a PIA time) just before shift change, thank god they got the paper work wrapped up in time for me to beat the change in shift. It’s apparent that the pneumonia had passed the critical stage and that I was on a slow mend process. That means 3 hours a day on IV durgs and another hour (3 times a day) nebulizing additional antibiotics. This process will continue at the minimum for 10 additional days. Frankly I am at the point where they can give me this IV crap until the cruise if that is what it takes for me to have a decent time on the cruise. Otherwise no real changes in my health.

Yes SOB owns the roost, and it takes no output of energy at all to make me gasp. Siting and typing, quietly chatting, watching TV are normal activities and very rarely do I gasp at all. But walk me into the kitchen for a snack, or over to the bathroom and damn if I am not fighting SOB. My lack of breath is scary for those around me, and embarrassing to me personality. My vitals are fine, bp 108/63, resp 94, O2 93, good numbers all, but the heart isn’t the problem (at least not yet), it really is these frigging lungs. Between now and July I will be doing all I can to get back to fighting strength, so I can enjoy the cruise.

So now on to the whining. (LOL really I promise I hadn’t been whining so far) I am not a doctor I don’t play a doctor on TV and I sure as hell don’t know how to fix what ails me. And I know I have served this whine before. BCBS is my provider, and thank God for the level of care I get, I can’t even begin to imagine the level of health care folks not as fortunate as I get. My heart goes out to them constantly.

Over the past 3 years I have seen the progression. Four plus years ago I was being hospitalized with pneumonia about once every 12 or 13 months. Hospital stays were generally 5 to 7 days and there was no at home follow on treatments. Two year ago I was being hospitalized every 7 or 8 months for 6 – 9 days, over the last 18 month I am now being hospitalized every 6 months (or less) and now only 90 days between hospitalizations. All of these incidents have been pneumonia based, and the last five events have involved extensive post hospitalization treatment. Folks it doesn’t take a genius, COPD is winning.

This past visit, I was in the hospital for 8 days, I wasn’t told I had to leave, I didn’t feel they were actively pushing me in that direction, because they were not. My doctor would have been content to allow me to stay there for a much longer period I am sure (had I said I am not ready), and that scares me. He said he would release me to home health when I told him I was ready. Folks I am a stubborn guy, I don’t want to be in the hospital, I don’t want to be sick. I am going to push for release as early as I can, but maybe because I am not a doctor, maybe because I don’t know how to fool around with the medicines I take, I’m not the right person to ask these questions. Some decisions should not be made by the patient, even an impatience patient, and departure from the hospital should be one of them. Doctors go to school for a million years, their education costs a zillion dollars, and by the time they are 40 they should know their shit. By the time they are 50 you would think they would be experts. One of the leading questions from their mouths shouldn’t be “so do you think you’re ready to go home?” They really need to come to you and say, you can go home under these circumstances, or you can go home once your body reaches these thresholds, or you can go home in a box. But it really shouldn’t be a debate (or not much of one), I will always opt to go home as early as possible, even knowing that the hospital might be a better place to recover. I am a guy, I am stupid, and I am proud. I want my own bathroom and TV. I will go on to say that I believe the vast majority of folks would opt to go home, knowing damn well they really belong right there in the hospital bed.

Having said that, I guess it does help the doctors prevent laws suits, because they can now say, well he wanted to go home. So it’s not really my fault he should have stayed a few more days blah blah blah (lawyer talk). As I become sicker with COPD, as these episodes of pneumonia return more often, my awareness is better than ever, and I am quicker and better able to define when a trip to the hospital is necessary. But it doesn’t qualify me to make these decisions. If you were hoping I was going to throw a solution in there with my whining, sorry.

Well folks I hope you have a pleasant day, thank you for your continued good thoughts and kind words of encouragement. As always your comments welcomed are encouraged – take care, Bill


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11 responses to “How I Feel Today 05/24/13….

  1. Christine Appleby

    May 24, 2013 at 11:44 am

    Do not worry about whining and glad that you are back home. Luckily my brother had two hospital stays in November and hasn’t been back yet. We are also fortunate because his pulmonary dr. gives him samples of the really expensive inhalers, and this other meds really are not that expensive. And he is the same way….as long as he is sitting he is fine, but walking around …..oy vey. But onward and upward 🙂

  2. gita4elamats

    May 24, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    I think that doctors take patients’ opinions more seriously these days especially when dealing with a chronic illness. More patient-autonomy is recognised in decision-making. I’m glad you’re home and do keep up the fight! 🙂

    • FlaHam

      May 24, 2013 at 2:09 pm

      Elan, Thank you for your words of concern they are appreciated. The fight will continue as long as I have breathe. You are 100 pct correct, more patient involvement is sought by doctors now more than ever, and I for 1 enjoy not being force fed information and wellness. But I also want the doctor to doctor. It is becoming easier and easier to get a doctor to defer, where in reality, I sometimes need that “I could have had a V8” slap. As always thanks for taking the time following my blog, I have come to really enjoy the works of yours. Please take care. — Bill

  3. Chatter Master

    May 24, 2013 at 1:59 pm

    I’m so glad you’re home. Here’s to your winning battle to get ready for that cruise!

    The next time the doctor asks you this just tell him you defer to him and his wisdom. Or her.

    Best wishes Bill. Your cruise is waiting….. 😉

    • FlaHam

      May 24, 2013 at 2:13 pm

      Colleen, As always thank you for your words of concern and encouragement. I really appreciate them, more so than you would imagine. There’s an old country song “Prop me up by the jukebox (when I’m gone)”. LMAO that may be me come time for the cruise, cause I am going on that damn cruise. I will use your advise though because it really makes sense, I will in the future tell him I defer to his knowledge and wisdom. At least that way I can blame him for the additional days in the hospital. Take care, Bill

      • Chatter Master

        May 24, 2013 at 10:02 pm

        You’re welcome Bill. Yes I know the song! But you aren’t going to be propped, you are going to be rockin’ on the seas. 🙂 Let us know what the doctor says if you ever say you are deferring to him. And yes, doctors should be giving you their advise, and take on the matter. If, after that, they still give you an option, I like that they believe you have a say in your own care. Here’s to your getting stronger, better, and on your way to sailin’!

  4. The Persecution of Mildred Dunlap

    May 24, 2013 at 5:41 pm

    Did you say wine? I didn’t see any wine! I just read yours and all the comments and you made me smile with the LMAO image of you on the cruise. Keep it up, just keep it up… said like Jackie Gleason to Alice on the show but with earnest cheer. Couldn’t resist. Did you ever watch that show? Now, I’ve got a bunch of TV shows flashing in my head (George Burns saying to Gracie, “Say Goodnight Gracie…) I better sign off with a big cyber hug and all wishes to get on top of this and trip ready ASAP. Your hugging friend Paulette 🙂

    • FlaHam

      May 24, 2013 at 9:50 pm

      LMAO — Yes I said whine LOL…. Didn’t you realize my blog was my personal space to piss/moan/bitch & W H I N E !!!!! And I do it so well. As always thank you so very much for your kind words, and the warmth you share each time you respond to my posts. You are truly a great cyber bud!!!! please take care, hugs and kisses — Bill

      • The Persecution of Mildred Dunlap

        May 24, 2013 at 10:04 pm

        I think I may be percolating on that realization as we speak. LMAO right back with you and yeah, you is one of my fav cyber buds. Now, get well! smooches and hugs from the dog lady (one of my zillion nicknames). 🙂 wine, whine… have enough of each and neither matters, lol.

  5. Wanda

    May 24, 2013 at 8:21 pm

    You’ve also noted that you get less rest, etc., when you’re in the hospital than when you are home. You know “how you feel” better than anyone else, and I think you have the good sense to know when you need the intensive care the hospital offers vs. the comforts of home. I know you’re religious about the at-home treatments, especially with the July cruise to look forward to, so I hope each day between now and then is better than the one before.

    • FlaHam

      May 24, 2013 at 9:55 pm

      Wanda, Being 1000 pct honest I probably (or generally) get more “rest” in the hospital. Because not only can I not do anything, once I have got the furniture in the places I want it there isn’t much else to do in the room except rest or not do nothing LOL LOL. But having said that at least at home I do something. I push myself, I gather trash, I empty the dishwasher, I do a load of laundry. All of these little tasks add up, and they help, they help greatly. But nothing can beat the comfort of being home, of being in a place where you feel safe. As always Wanda, thank you for commenting and the warm and caring thoughts you give so freely. Your a very special person. Please take care, Bill


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