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Snap Shots Christmas 1999 in London England — Part 3

28 Jun

I recently sent out a post with pictures and narrative from the Christmas 1999 in London, and boy what a PIA that was considered how technically challenged I am. It the better part of 3 serious sessions, and I spent by far the most time on that post than any other post I have published to date. I didn’t have any idea how difficult it was going to be to send 16 pictures, and 437 words, heck I have written paragraphs longer than that. Anyway, enough whining. I do want to thank you very much for enjoying my posts.

When I completed part 2 I promised to get to the “fart” story in part 3. I don’t want to keep you in suspense any longer. As described in part 1, each day of our trip was completed with the ritual Triple Yahtzee game, with the TV on in the background. The Brits are so much smarter than us. Their “normal” game shows make US game shows look like kindergarten pre-tests. But having said that, there was a show that played every night we were in London. It wasn’t really a game, it was a single voice saying words, and on the screen you would see how that word was spelled, it also provided synonyms for the given word. It wasn’t used in a sentence, just spoken and the correct spelling shown. You are wondering, okay Bill, get to the point.

As background noise during our evening Yahtzee we would have this blue screen show on. The evening of December 23, 1999 at some point during our Yahtzee game we heard the word fart, that stopped the game immediately, and we almost started giggling, then we heard flatulence, then bombast, then turgidity, then gassiness, then breakwind. At this point the game came to a screeching halt, and we all turn to the TV, but by then the show had moved on to another word which did not measure up to FART. Once we dried our eyes and got our poop back together we continued the game. Butt the story doesn’t end there. Every night (except Christmas) that we watched the show a fart word was spoken along with more of it’s’ synonyms. During the course of the 10 days we were in London we watch this show 7 times. Besides those listed above the following is a partial list of words we heard in regards to FART; butt bomb, fire in the hole, pomposity, verbosity, 1 man salute, poop fumes, rectal turbulence, butt burps, acid rainmaker, air bagel, gas, flame throwers, morning thunder, grandiloquence, and finally rectum roar. This is just a partial list, and each night at some point it would start with Fart, and then 6 or 7 different synonyms. They never seem to run out, and with the exception of Fart and Flatulence there were no repeats. It got to the point we were paying more attention to the show than we ever expected. And each night it never failed to break us up. And Lord forgive if you brokewind at any point during the day. Let me also be clear, I was not the only person in the family enjoying this. I wasn’t the only one snickering, or having tears in my eyes. See it doesn’t take a lot to entertain us LOL LOL LOL. That folks is the fart story.

Folks, you need to understand I am possible the most directionally challenged person you would ever know, don’t ask me how to get anyplace, because while I can give you pin point directions, I couldn’t name a street or building or any other landmark along the way, thus making it almost impossible for you to get to your desired location. But I can read, and I can read a map very well. But my daughter came thru like a shining light during the trip to London. Right away she figured out the TUBE (London’s subway), she knew what stations we had to get off on to go to yet another station to continue our journey. It was amazing. At one point Allison said something along the lines of “give me a tube map, a piece of bubble gum, a paper clip, and some lipstick and I can get us anywhere”. And she was right, she became the official navigator for the Hamilton Clan, Steph rightfully was dubbed her – Allison “MacGyver” Hamilton. And for 4 days lead us all over London, seeing all the sights, without getting us lost, or turned around, or mad, or frustrated. She would give concise instructions that we needed to get off at a given station, how we needed to exit that station, and where the next station was located for our journey, using the least possible steps, saving our energy for the actual visiting of the tourist attraction. Half the time she didn’t even need the lipstick or bubble gum to make her travel magic.

Here is just a partial list of the places we visited (over a 7 day period), in no particular order, having Allison “MacGyver” lead the way: Tower of London, Westminster Abbey, St. Paul’s Cathedral (where we when to service on Christmas Eve), Windsor Castle, Buckingham Palace, Tower Bridge, Royal Albert Hall, the House of Parliament, Kensington Palace, Hyde Park, Big Ben, Piccadilly Circus and Trafalgar Square. Allison’s skills were so good, that throughout our visit cabs were only called into play a couple of times, and that was because collectively we were exhausted. I would say that most likely Allison saved the family a couple hundred dollars in cab fares during our London visit. Allison was also pretty good at finding “Pubs” to have lunch. And yes she did sample more than one British Ale.

Above I said we went to St Paul’s Cathedral for Christmas Eve service. The building was originally construction in the early 1600’s but destroyed by the great fire and rebuilt in 1710. We had a wonderful experience as a family.

On December 27, 1999 things began to open up again, so we did a lot of window shopping. And we actually did some real shopping at Harrods’s in London. Our hotel was only 2 blocks from the main shopping district of downtown London, and for 5 days we had walked past these stores more than once, but they had been closed in celebration of the Christmas Holiday. How they were open for business, and yes they were doing BUSINESS! LOL Each of us got a small gift for ourselves there. But we also visited Selfridges and Marks and Spencer, these are also HIGH end department stores. But being honest it wasn’t any different visiting these stores as it is going to a high-end department store here. But we went so we could brag about it. I got a hat from St. Andrews, which to this day hangs on a golf tee in my office. Steph got a throw blanket that is folded neatly in our den, it is never used because it is way too warm for even the chilliest of days here in Florida. And being honest I don’t remember what Allison got, or if she still has it.

So folks that sums up Christmas 1999, as always your thoughts and comments are welcome. I truly thank you for indulging me as I ramble thru my past. Please take care and have a wonderful day. — Bill

 
12 Comments

Posted by on June 28, 2013 in Grandpa Stories, Humor, Observations, Ramblings

 

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12 responses to “Snap Shots Christmas 1999 in London England — Part 3

  1. gita4elamats

    June 28, 2013 at 10:34 am

    Wow, jam-packed fun! 🙂

     
    • FlaHam

      June 28, 2013 at 10:35 am

      Ela, It was a fun trip, one clearly that had an impact. Thank you for taking the time to experience it with me. Please take care, Bill

       
  2. Linda

    June 28, 2013 at 12:28 pm

    What a wonderful narrative about your trip to England. You wrote it so well that one could imagine being there. The photos were great and I agree the Stonehenge picture came out very well. Awesome job Bill…much thanks for sharing it with us all…:)

     
    • FlaHam

      June 28, 2013 at 3:19 pm

      Linda, Thank you for your wonderful comments, it tickles me that you enjoy these posts. — Please take care, Bill

       
  3. Chatter Master

    June 28, 2013 at 2:28 pm

    What a fabulous airy tale!

    I have not heard some of those terms and hope to remember some. I won’t. But I can come back here to get them. 😉

     
    • FlaHam

      June 28, 2013 at 3:16 pm

      Colleen, I am so glad you enjoyed my Posts, and you may take any of those terms and use them freely. LMAO – my posts are educate and entertain, these did both. The time we were so caught off guard, we howled. Take care, Bill

       
      • Chatter Master

        June 28, 2013 at 4:41 pm

        It’s the unexpected that gets us in the funny bone. 🙂 I shall share them with my brothers and sisters at our next get together! 😉

         
  4. The Persecution of Mildred Dunlap

    June 28, 2013 at 10:09 pm

    Hilarious, LMAO. What a great ending.

     
  5. Christine

    July 7, 2013 at 8:55 am

    LOVED reading about your trip to London 🙂

     
    • FlaHam

      July 7, 2013 at 9:45 am

      Christine, I am so glad you enjoyed my London trip. I enjoyed sharing with you. I do hope you have an opportunity to read some of my other posts. Please take care, Bill

       
  6. Wanda

    July 10, 2013 at 6:06 pm

    I’m fascinated with the euphemistic “air bagel”–since bagels are among my favorite breakfast foods, I’m not sure I appreciate the association. But…I did enjoy the story.

     
    • FlaHam

      July 10, 2013 at 10:16 pm

      Wanda, The story is true, but I did embellish it somewhat, I couldn’t remember all the names for farts. So I went to Farts.com and found many that look familiar. I have come to realize these are the stories I write best, when I dig into my heart and memories. Apparently Allison reads a lot of what I write, and her memories don’t always jive with mine. But then that’s okay because they are my memories. Take care, Bill

       

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