Natural Laws

23 Dec

The other day I offered up some rules for being human which were extremely thoughtful and thought provoking.  They gave us in snapshot form, a foundation by which if we followed the rules we could be relatively successful as humans.   

Today (12.23.13) I have again borrowed from an AOL mail message to share some important truism’s pertaining to natural law.  I know each of you from time to time has wondered why specific things happened at specifically unwanted times.  This may help to explain that. 

Of course your comments are always welcomed, and in this case maybe you have encountered a Natural Law that isn’t on the list. Take care and have a wonderful day. — Bill — Merry Christmas 

Natural Laws 

1. _Law of Mechanical Repair_ – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

2.Law of Gravity_-
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3.Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4.Law of Random Numbers
– If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.

6.Variation Law-
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

7.Law of the Bath
– When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8.Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

9.Law of the Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, IT WILL!!!

10.Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena
– At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12.The Coffee Law
– As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13.Murphy’s Law of Lockers
– If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14.Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15.Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible IF you don’t know what you are talking about.

16.Brown’sLaw of Physical Appearance
If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

17._Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking_

18.Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy_ –
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, OR the store will stop selling it!!

19.Doctors’ Law
If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better.. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.. 

“Life is not the way it’s supposed to be – it’s the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.” 

I’m going to retire and live off my savings.  What I’ll do on the second day, I have no idea.


Posted by on December 23, 2013 in Grandpa Stories, Humor, Observations, Ramblings


Tags: , , , , , , ,

27 responses to “Natural Laws

  1. jmgoyder

    December 23, 2013 at 8:13 am

    You are a gem!

    • FlaHam

      December 23, 2013 at 10:18 am

      Julie, I don’t know about that, maybe zarconium! LOL LOL Take care and Merry Christmas, Bill

  2. Chatter Master

    December 23, 2013 at 9:22 am

    OH MAN! I cannot argue with any of these that I have experienced first hand. The others…I will have to take the written word for. 🙂

    • FlaHam

      December 23, 2013 at 10:16 am

      Colleen, I honestly believe I have encountered each of these laws at once in my life, some many more times than once. But seeing them in print makes me smile. Take care and Merry Christmas, Bill

    • FlaHam

      December 23, 2013 at 2:44 pm

      Colleen, In my initial response I failed to mention for you not to worry. Your young still and have plenty of opportunities ahead of you to see and feel the full force of those Natural Laws you have yet to encounter. And trust me your time is coming. Take care and Merry Christmas, Bill

      • Chatter Master

        December 23, 2013 at 8:25 pm

        Bill…..some of these I am NOT looking forward to. I will do my best to avoid them. 😉

        Merry Christmas Friend. 🙂

        • FlaHam

          December 23, 2013 at 9:21 pm

          Colleen, I wish you all the luck in the world avoiding those laws you have avoided so far. Continued much success. Take care, Bill –Merry Christmas —

          • Chatter Master

            December 24, 2013 at 2:05 pm

            🙂 Thanks Bill, I have a feeling it will take LOTS of luck. And Merry Christmas to you Friend.

  3. kanzensakura

    December 23, 2013 at 11:03 am

    No Bill, you are a rare hardly found now topaz. Law of the theater: You walk in and it is almost empty. You sit down away from the 8 people in the theater, in that sweet spot where no one is blocking your 4’10 Self. Nice……along comes 5 tall people who of course, have to sit right in front of you blocking your view (what, you can’t use one of the 200 other seats????) or, beside you or behind you. and of course, they’re talkers and fidgeters. You see, the rare times I go to the theater, I go when the crowds are now onto watching the next big thing… hopefully, I’ll have almost the whole theater for myself. I dunno why, but some folks must be afraid of going to the movies alone which is why they tuck right up with you. or they think we all need to be part of the whole experience. I just know, when I go to see 47 Ronin (finally in theaters after over a year of delays), I want to be selfish and have this experience for just me.

    • FlaHam

      December 23, 2013 at 2:42 pm

      Kanzen, Smiling broadly, now we have Law 11.1a — Movie theater seating. As soon as you started I knew change was coming. And your remark is so true. I hate the guy that sits behind me and puts his feet on my seat to steady himself as he rocks. I have stood up (all 5’8″ 1/2) and told them to keep there damn feet off my seat. Sometimes that actually works, but usually they move. So I feel your pain. Like you I love movies, I love going to movies, but I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to be asked questions, and I don’t want to be told that’s impossible. It is a fantasy, and I want to live every moment of it. So should I ever publish the Nature Laws again, there will be an addendum 11.1a addressing the theater big hairs gabbies. I do have an advantage over you, when I go to the movies my portable oxygen concentrator chugs along making it’s noise, people generally give me space so they do hear it. I have toned it out a long time ago, it does provide a free zone around me. Take care, and Merry Christmas — Bill

      • kanzensakura

        December 23, 2013 at 3:43 pm

        Bless your heart. Now that is putting a golden lining on a portable oxygen concentrator. Hey, and don’t you just hate it when kids have the nerve to come to a kids’ movie???? LOL> I purposely waited 3 weeks after every Harry Potter movie premiered, just so I could enjoy in peace. Some things, you just don’t want to and really don’t have to, share. My husband and I stopped going to the movies together a long time ago. he likes those girly comedy romances and I like the blow ’em up, alien, sci fi ones. And I don’t want to have to explain to him during the movie, Star Trek engineering. We happily go at different times to different movies. he is content to let me go to 47 Ronin by myself and I am content to let him go to whatever holiday romantic cotton candy is showing.

        • FlaHam

          December 23, 2013 at 6:43 pm


          As long as you don’t mind the humm of my oxygen machine I will go to the movies with you anytime. LOL Given an opportunity I can and will find a golden lining in almost anything. Quick story, A friend wanted to go see “Cars 2” on the big screen, and asked if I would go with him. Said sure, we figured we would encounter the least amount of kids at a early day show during the week. He and I both retired, not a scheduling problem at all. Got to the theater, got our popcorn, we were the 1st one in the theater (20 mins early). Over the next 15 mins over 100 children and their mom’s invaded the theater. My friend and I, had the thing going with the empty seat between us, in the middle of the row, in the middle of the theater. Not a single mom or child seat in the same row, not seat in the 6 seats in front or back. It was like we were on an island. I felt like Chester the molester. I felt like I was being watched throughout the movie. I haven’t been to the movies with him since. But in review he would have been a good companion for your husband, he likes the same kinda of movies, I like you need a bunch of explosions, and guns, and car wrecks. Smiling, it sounds like you got it all worked out. Anyway, I hope you have a Wonderful Christmas, take care, Bill

          • kanzensakura

            December 24, 2013 at 10:46 am

            Haha…chesters the molesters go to the movies. What a grin. Yes, hubby and I gave up on movie dates long ago. We still agree on putt-putt golf though.

            • FlaHam

              December 24, 2013 at 12:15 pm

              Kanzen, I didn’t say it was pretty LOL. I probably would have enjoyed the movie more watching it on the big screen at home. The only time I go to a movie movie with my wife is if it is something she really really wants to see. She doesn’t do crowds well, so more often than not she prefers to wait until it comes out pay for view. Have a great day, take care and Merry Christmas — Bill

              • kanzensakura

                December 24, 2013 at 4:27 pm

                I wish a video had been made. Peace love and light to you and your precious family.

  4. The Persecution of Mildred Dunlap

    December 23, 2013 at 10:24 pm

    Ditto what Julie wrote! 🙂

    • FlaHam

      December 24, 2013 at 12:23 pm

      Paulette, I may be a gem, something like quartz, or the fore father to a diamond. LOL Clearly in the rough rough. Take care, and have a Wonderful Christmas. Bill

  5. huntmode

    December 23, 2013 at 10:56 pm

    Bill, loved this and loved the conversation between you and Kanzen – count me in to go to the movies with you two!

    • FlaHam

      December 24, 2013 at 12:21 pm

      Hunt, I can honestly say I have as much fun in the comment section of my blog as in the actual writing part of my blog. Yes depending on the subject matter, the conversations can be quite serious, but it’s the conversation, the back and forth, that I truly love. And you are by all means invited to the movies with us. Take care, Merry Christmas, Bill

  6. bloggingbyrgottier

    December 25, 2013 at 1:26 am

    I always have been around bosses when you get a cup of hot coffee & end up have had to do work & the coffee gets cold & how irritating it is. I have had to use the variation law a lot when driving everywhere & have to be somewhere faster than the line is moving. That is 1 where jumping back & forth can get you somewhere quicker but always seems to get a cop’s attention too. I love these quotes of laws. Thanks & will keep reading more of your posts too.

    • FlaHam

      December 25, 2013 at 11:16 pm

      Rodney, I know of only 10 laws that are written in stone, all the rest can be and are constantly negotiated, and changed to fit the situation. Having served in the armed forces for years, I learned a bit about patience and lines. I am the one that generally picks a line and I ride it to conclusion. But as I do, I look for folks like you, jumping from lane to lane, sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t. I figure over the course of a life time it equals out. I do hope your lane jumping works out for you more often than not. I am truly glad you stopped by and offered a comment, I do appreciate it. Take care, and have a great New Year. — Bill

      • bloggingbyrgottier

        December 27, 2013 at 11:37 am

        So cool Bill! I get & need variety in my life & now working on bringing my focus into something good
        which gives me what I need to become a person special too!

        • FlaHam

          December 27, 2013 at 1:11 pm

          Rodney, Trust me we are all special, we all have a hidden talent that makes someone else smile. I have been blogging for over a year now and it’s taken me a long time to come to that conclusion. You will also come to it at some point. And as you come to that point you will find you are becoming that person you want to be. And you will find strength from the folks that read you. I started with talking about COPD, and I still do, but I have branched out, and talk about anything that comes to mind. I have wonderful readers (such as yourself) that thru yours and their comments continue to encourage me. For that I thank all of you. Take care, and have a wonderful day. Bill

  7. Marlyn

    December 25, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    Smiled knowingly as I read the laws….thanks for making your stalker smile:)

    • FlaHam

      December 25, 2013 at 8:49 pm

      Sweet Stalker, I am glad your feeling better, I was very concerned for you the last few days. You keep up the good work recovering. Take care, Bill

  8. seeker

    December 25, 2013 at 8:30 pm

    Blessings to you and yours this Christmas and always, Bill. Merry Christmas. Perpetua.

    • FlaHam

      December 25, 2013 at 11:22 pm

      Perpetua, Thank you for your kind words, I hope you and your family were truly blessed this Christmas. Hopefully you will find other posts to your liking and visit again. Please take care and be safe. Bill


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