How I Feel for the Week ending 02.21.14……

21 Feb

I hope everyone is okay today and this week.  The jukebox is open and today’s post will be brought to you courtesy of Match Box 20.  The week has been non-productive in so many ways.  I have made no significant progress, the coughing which is semi-constant is productive, and 2 times a day I seem to reach into the depths of my lungs to find that truly gross shit and I have a massive coughing attack which brings most it up.  This a good thing, but I would have hoped the coughing would have eased up a bit, but more importantly, I would have hoped that with all the drugs I have had these last 3 weeks that the product would be less offensive.  I am having headaches that I don’t normally have and extra strength Tylenol is not effective.  The SOB (shortness of breath) is kicking my butt, and being honest I am embarrassed by how hard it has hit me.  I did follow-up with Doc Infectious on Tuesday when I had my monthly IVIG treatment.  We talked and I got to spit in the cup again, and we added another antibiotic (Zyvox 600mg 2x) to the mix.  While holding steady with the Merrem IV and the TOBI (nebulized).

For all the reasons stated above I am going to give this past week a 2.25, and that is a stretch.  While I seem to see slight improvements, for every positive I’ve seen, I am finding 1.5 or 2 negative ones.  This coming week I see Doc Head and Doc Lungs on Monday and on Tuesday I see Doc Infectious. This brings us to this week’s word, Patience which I will get to in a moment.

Let get the vitals out of the week ending 02/21/14

NR = 3.5 taken 02/19/14 – outside of therapeutic — my medications have been adjusted to get this number down below 3.0

O2 level = 93 taken on 02/21/14

BP 114/62 = taken 02/19/14

Heart rate = 94 taken 02/21/14

Temp = 97.1 taken 02/19/14

Weight = 264 taken in hospital before discharge 02/11/14 — I have looked at the scale in the bathroom several times since last week and it repeatedly says “Stay the F…. off me for the time being!” I am heeding this advice.  While I don’t think I have gained much (my appetite has sucked), so I am eating because it is required not for enjoyment. 

So ends the technical aspect of my “How I Feel This Week” report moving now to the emotional discussion aspect.  BTW I have listened to 12 Match Box 20 songs getting to this point.  Rob Thomas has one hell of a voice.  I am just saying.   Moving now to SRV (for the uninformed Stevie Ray Vaughan) I have only about every song he has recorded LOL.

So as I stated earlier today’s word is “Patience.” Over the years I have heard many phrases regarding “Patience” such as; the patience of a saint, or Patience is the greatest of all virtues, A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains, and Patience is the companion of wisdom, to name a few.  Whenever someone approaches me to explain why there is a minor or significant delay, I ask if I look impatience, and if I do to forgive me because I have patience.  And as I have aged I truly believed I had developed a level of patience I never had as a child, kid, teenager, young adult, and even early adult. In review I can’t even count the times I have shown true patience.  In reviewing the definition of Patience as provided I truly believe that 1, 2 and 3 clearly had me in mind when this dictionary was written. 

Patience As defined by

Pa-tience – Noun

1. the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.

2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay: to have patience with a slow learner.

3. quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence: to work with patience.

4. (Cards chiefly British ) solitaire (  def 1 ) .

5. Also called patience dock. a European dock, Rumex patientia,  of the buckwheat family, whose leaves are often used as a vegetable.

Setting the stage in this manner; CLEARLY I DON’T KNOW MY ASS FROM LEFT FIELD about Patience. LOL LOL.   I was in the hospital for 9 days suffering a serious exacerbation of my COPD.  Throughout my hospital stay I was given an extensive array of drugs and breathing treatments, all in hopes of getting me better.  After 9 days I was sent home with a continuation of the drug therapy, told to rest, take it easy, and to not rush things.  I don’t think in fairness I listened to a friggin word.  COPD is complicated no exacerbation is like the one before or the one after.  Each has its’ own regiment of drugs and treatment, and for these to work it takes PATIENCE !!!  Why in the world I can’t get this thru my thick head is beyond me.  I get up on my soap box and preach and preach, and sometimes I don’t bother to listen to my own words. Hell last week I said, and I quote “I know that I am still in the recovery mode, and that it will take a couple of weeks to get back to wherever I am going to get back.”   So having been V8 slapped in the head today, I realized I need to chill, relax, take it easy and let the medicines do their job.  I can’t hurry it, bitching about won’t get me better sooner, I have to let nature and trust my Doctors to do right by me.  I share this with you to remind you that when your ill, you to have to have patience, you as well need to listen your doctors, you need to take all your medicines, and follows instructions. Just as I have to. I know it is easy to preach about because I have, now I am going to sit in the front row and follow my own instructions.  Please, the next time you are sick please try to remember this post, it may save you a ton of headaches and anxiety, maybe more.

If you have any questions, concerns, comments, or ideas please feel free to ask away. I hope you have a great weekend, and I will be posting again soon.  Take care, Bill


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37 responses to “How I Feel for the Week ending 02.21.14……

  1. addercatter

    February 21, 2014 at 8:00 pm

    Bill, this is a great post! Your vitals look really good! 🙂 I am struggling with PATIENCE as well… having med trouble and Dr trouble… it all gets so frustrating. It seems like if anything can possibly go wrong it does. Sigh.

    • FlaHam

      February 21, 2014 at 10:44 pm

      Addercatter, I am glad you enjoyed my post. Thank you for visiting, hopefully you will find more reasons to visit in the future. Smiling, my vitals are generally good, my lungs will do me in long before something else breaks down. Yes Patience will serve us well, it is a battle won with small victories, so try to tackle it that way. Yes I would agree that sometimes it feels like we are fighting a losing battle, but we much continue to fight. I am sure you have considered it, but what about a change in Doctors, I have had to do that during the course of my illness, and it was a great benefit to me. Yes it is a major PIA, but sometimes it is for the best. Something to think about. Again thank you for visiting my blog, I do hope you find more and more reasons to visit and comment. Please take care, Bill

      • addercatter

        February 21, 2014 at 10:55 pm

        Actually, yes, I just fired my pain mgmt dr yesterday! So the search begins again on Monday. It’s a tough quest because I live in a small town. .. The nearest big city that has pain mgmt is almost 2 hours away! Not fun to drive that far, but there are no other options around here.
        Although something odd did happen today… i was at Walmart in the checkout line and I overheard an employee asking the checker if she had any aspirin. The girl didn’t but I always carry ibuprofen in my purse. I offered her some and that led to a discussion about Dr’s and she told me about the one she goes to, so hopefully that will work out! You never know what will be dropped in your lap at random times I guess!
        Oh… and I forgot, my name is Kat!

        • FlaHam

          February 21, 2014 at 11:06 pm

          Kat, The pleasure is mine, nice to meet you. I am quite fortunate, all my doctors are within 30 mins of my home, the hospital I get to visit is only 10 mins. Traveling is not the problem yet. I drive, hell I drive all over the place. And it’s good to see you travel as well. I do hope that connection at Walmart turns out to be fruitful. Sometimes connecting can be as simple as a polite conversation. Kat, I hope to see you visiting my blog on a regular basis. It’s nice to have you. Take care, Bill

      • addercatter

        February 21, 2014 at 11:06 pm

        I was reading the post where you just got out of the hospital, and I had to laugh at the red button!!! I know hospitals all too well, my longest stay being a little over a month. After the first week I had figured out how to turn off those damn alarms by myself!!! Also… you have a good taste in music. My music taste is very broad and random also 🙂 Kat

        • FlaHam

          February 22, 2014 at 6:14 am

          Kat, Smiling, if you laughed about my red button story, thank you, you got the point. As you read more and more of my stuff, you will find that I try to take the edge off with a touch of humor. The disease is ugly enough on its’ own it doesn’t need my assistance making it uglier. What I hate are the leads to the monitor you have to wear, it seems they never want to reconnect them until 3 am. Must be a hospital thing. I am glad you share my interest in music, it is a source for a million conversations. Please take care, and again thanks for your kind words. Bill

          • addercatter

            February 22, 2014 at 8:36 am

            You know… One way to get someone in the room fast… If you’ve got leads, start messing with them, disconnect some etc until the heart alarms start going off. I know it’s mean but hey, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do! 😉
            We need to find humor within the midst of our illnesses. It’s easier said than done sometimes, but humor has definitely helped me through some of the most painful and difficult times in life. I’m happy to have found your blog, Kat

            • FlaHam

              February 23, 2014 at 8:37 am

              Kat, LMFAO…. I have tried that numerous times, and I have only had a 50 pct success rate, but it is good to seem them scramble. One time they race into the room searching and I am in the bathroom taking care of business. They are frantic, and I am just sitting there, apparently one of the leads fell off, and dipped into the bowl. Now they have to change the lead LOL LOL. That was a fun time. And while there were out there pounding on the door I calmly told I would be done in a minute. Smiling, thanks for bringing that memory back. Take care, Bill

  2. huntmode

    February 22, 2014 at 1:26 am

    Dear Bill, that cartoon of the vultures scanning the field and one saying to the other, “Patience, my ass! I’m gonna kill something!” is always the first thought when I hear the word. 🙂 We have such high expectations of ourselves, including how we should heal – always, super fast. Maybe a wee bit of kindness to your wonderful self is in order, Bill. You’ve been doing hard work. Rest, recoop, and redeploy another day. 🙂 You are a marvel.

    • FlaHam

      February 22, 2014 at 6:19 am

      Hunt, That quote I have heard a million times, and I was seriously thinking of adding it to the saying I highlighted but LOL it didn’t seem to work with the theme I was going for. What you say my dear is so very accurate and true. I do have high expectations for myself and generally I can achieve them. But soft smile, your right, I really need to lower the expectations, and work easier at getting better. Please take care, Bill

  3. The Persecution of Mildred Dunlap

    February 22, 2014 at 2:20 am

    One of my worst traits is impatience, especially when it comes to my health and incapacity. I understand all too well your impatience. I don’t know my ass from left field about patience either. Once again I see I’m in good company. Hugs & Love to you my friend. Hope it’s a good weekend and you start feeling better.

    • FlaHam

      February 22, 2014 at 6:23 am

      Paulette, I wasn’t even a tad bit surprised with your comment regarding your patience. I am going to make a real effort to listen to myself and my friends, and let my body lead the way back to feeling better. I can’t say I won’t screw up, because I do screw up good. But I am going to try. I am doing little this weekend, maybe that is the 1st step. Take care, Bill -xoxox-

  4. Chatter Master

    February 22, 2014 at 7:32 am

    Howdy Bill! Well I’m sad your overall week isn’t better. But it sounds like you have hit the proverbial nail on it’s proverbial head….maybe it’s the patience that will help. I know how difficult it is to just sit and heal. I hope you are feeling better even as I write this. Let’s both (we’ll include Paulette and say ALL) of us practice our patience this weekend. I am betting against myself and expecting me to break lose with a cuss word or two. 😉 All in the name of impatience.

    • FlaHam

      February 22, 2014 at 11:53 pm

      Colleen, Soft smile, thank you as always for your kind words and warm concerns. Clearly you have walked a mile or so in these shoes and you know how they fit. I truly sometimes have the patience of a saint but then there are these times LOL…. I will do the very best I can to be patient. If it wasn’t for the SOB, I would probably be handling it a lot better, but the SOB is a show stopper and makes me weary. But I will get over it, and I will be back to “normal” soon. Take care and as always thank you. Bill

      • Chatter Master

        February 23, 2014 at 8:37 am

        🙂 Well you seem to have many hoping for the same thing for you Bill. Be well!!!!

        • FlaHam

          February 23, 2014 at 9:19 am

          Colleen, I am doin the best I can. Thanks, Bill

          • Chatter Master

            February 23, 2014 at 8:24 pm

            I hope it’s better than yesterday, and it will be better yet tomorrow.

  5. benzeknees

    February 22, 2014 at 1:47 pm

    Oh Bill, you don’t know how timely this post is! I have been feeling unwell for most of this week – nothing specific except super tired, a slight heaviness in my chest, sore throat at times, chills & non-productive coughing. At the docs yesterday, got him to check my lungs, nothing untoward to report. I keep thinking I should be better already, but no such luck. So maybe I need to try a little patience, now?
    BTW, I watched the video “A Good Death” yesterday. This was also very timely because I just had the “talk” with my daughter last weekend about my wishes for future care. Because my second hubby is her stepfather, I didn’t want any misunderstandings between them should decisions about my care need to be made. I also downloaded the paperwork which went with the video & I plan on using it to plan journey.
    Sorry to hear you are having a rough journey right now, I hope with patience you will improve steadily! I think of you often!

    • FlaHam

      February 23, 2014 at 8:42 am

      Benze, Patience I am finding out while not in itself a cure, it sure does help the curing process. Benze I am sorry that you have been under the weather, that sucks, especially when you can’t pinpoint the central issue. So if my post helped even in the tiniest bit to help you gain some patience we both win. The video while tough is heartwarming to a degree. It is realistic, and helps the viewer in many ways sick or not. As always Benze, that you for your warm words of comfort and concern. Please take care, Bill

  6. Wanda

    February 22, 2014 at 5:21 pm

    Bill, you know from my Alphabe-Thursday posts how much I love a good saying or phrase, and I must say this post is a treasure trove. I especially liked “a handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains” and “patience is the companion of wisdom.” The first one made me laugh because I had a visual image along the lines of the scales of justice with the handful of patience on one side outweighing the bushel of brains on the other. The second one is thought-provoking: how much patience does one need before he or she becomes wise? I suspect the path to wisdom requires way more patience than most of us have.

    So, my friend, you are where you are. It makes me sad that you feel bad and that you aren’t improving as rapidly as you think you should. I have nothing to offer except I do hope you will take your own counsel…be patient with yourself and your current limitations and let your body heal at its own pace.

    • FlaHam

      February 23, 2014 at 8:49 am

      Wanda, Smiling, I didn’t have those phrases when I started writing the post, but I thought of you and the many posts of yours that I have enjoyed where you talk about phrases. So I when and looked some up to add to my post. I too was taken with the bushel of brains one though the visual I had was somewhat different than yours LOL. Wanda, you offer so much more than you ever know. Your love, your warmth, your caring, your desire to see me as you once did, all help to make me feel better. The words you share via the blog, lighten the load, and the reality that you see, seeing me at my best and worst, make it all work for me. Your friendship and love have been true thru it all. Please take care, Love Bill

  7. jmgoyder

    February 23, 2014 at 2:51 am

    Coincidence! I was thinking a hell of a lot about patience this weekend and about how I am hopeless at it. I hate waiting sooooo much! But, even though your situation is so much more severe than mine, we are both learning patience – you with the rotten COPD and me with Ming’s court case – learning (I guess) how to deal with every second of every day – every breath. And even thought this is probably going to sound really sentimental I have learned a hell of a lot from you about patience and waiting, Bill. Thank you! Julie xxx

  8. theeditorsjournal

    February 23, 2014 at 4:03 am

    Huge SRV fan although have not listened to his stuff for a grand while.

    • FlaHam

      February 23, 2014 at 9:16 am

      SRV was a pivotal musician for me, he allowed me to move from acid rock of the late 60 and 70’s to blues, without having to stop at disco at all. His music had the drive I loved but a softness, which led me deeper and deeper into the blues. Which I am forever grateful. Thank you for the like and your comment. I hope that you find other reasons in the future to visit. Take care, Bill

      • theeditorsjournal

        February 23, 2014 at 9:28 am

        “…he allowed me to move from acid rock of the late 60 and 70′s to blues, without having to stop at disco at all.”
        – Ha! Love it! (Although I’ve no idea what acid rock is, the disco comment is funny).
        SRV was one of those folks that made me want to pick up my guitar. What an incredible loss of talent when he died so young.

        • FlaHam

          February 23, 2014 at 2:44 pm

          The Editors, “Acid Rock” is a throwback term used during the late 60 and early 70’s. So many of the bands (Clapton, Hendrix, The Doors, Jefferson Airplane and Black Sabbath to name drop) were using LSD (also known as Acid) at the time to “enhance” their music, the music took the term “Acid Rock.” Take care, Bill

          • theeditorsjournal

            February 23, 2014 at 9:26 pm

            Wowsa! Thanks for that. Never knew. Of course I know all those artists but had never came across that term in all the years. You learn something new everyday!

  9. Clowie

    February 23, 2014 at 5:23 am

    It is hard to be patient. I hope those medicines get their act together and start doing their job for you soon!

    • FlaHam

      February 23, 2014 at 9:18 am

      Clowie, Oh I could just reach down and scratch you behind your ear and under your chin. Thank you Clowie, I too hope I maintain enough patience to do as I have been told. Heck maybe I will get a treat if I show enough patience. Take care, Biped Bill

  10. Marlyn

    February 25, 2014 at 6:02 pm

    You have been stalked my dear. Send an email shortly…just arrived back in Fl. Looks like I may have to share the Oscar with you even if it is for far different reasons:)

    • FlaHam

      February 25, 2014 at 6:20 pm

      Marlyn, It’s nice to have you back. I do hope all is well up north, and that your recovery continues at a good clip. My Dear, I would indeed share the Oscar, I have been doing best supporting Actor for years. Smiling, Take care — Bill

  11. barbarafranken

    February 26, 2014 at 9:30 am

    Hi Bill… what a post… Patience is something we all get to face… when we look at patience as a way to be more present in each moment, conscious of what is happening… it brings us out of our chaotic mind and away from our physical ailments… Practising the conscious breathe is a way to help us get in touch with our spirit essence and soul that can help in our recovery… but first we have to connect… take care, Barbara…

    • FlaHam

      February 26, 2014 at 5:36 pm

      Barbara, Being honest I had never looked at Patience in quite that manner, to me was an ability to sit back and wait, to allow something to come to me, to allow the prescribed medicines an opportunity to work and do their magic before I got all up in arms. But your prospective has a lot to it, it is patience on a different level. Thank you for sharing it with me. I will do the best I can to connect both as you suggest and show restrain in my approach. Take care, Bill

      • barbarafranken

        February 26, 2014 at 8:26 pm

        You made me giggle with your last words Bill… With practice, being in the moment allows you to expand consciousness… away from the mind and all known things… 10 mins a day is a good target to begin with and can I suggest when you breathe, focus on your lungs… from the back to the front of your lung space imagine your conscious breathe touching all the cells… bringing in your own healing energy and breathing out energy from others and energy that no longer serves you…

        A couple of questions came up when I was reading your answer that might be appropriate for you to ask yourself Bill…

        Can it be that you feel you don’t have enough space for yourself? Do you give others more attention than yourself?

        Maybe it’s time for Bill… take care Barbara

        • FlaHam

          February 27, 2014 at 1:26 am

          Barbara, I am glad I made you giggle no matter why. I will also endeavor to answer your questions to the best of my ability be as honest as possible. Can it be that you feel you don’t have enough space for yourself? —- A unique question that has many true answers — I have plenty of physical space, I am not bumping elbows with anyone, but if did bump elbows that would be fine. My head has what I believe is enough space to handle and cope with the information I have regarding myself, my illness, my role, how I want to prepare myself for the end of retirement, and finally I believe I have enough true spirit left to help others. As for you 2nd question, Do you give others more attention than yourself? The simple answer is yes I do, it gives me joy and inner peace. If thru whatever I am doing I make one person’s path easier, then I have done a good job. If thru my efforts one individual comes to terms with their disease and their life is more peaceful, less painful, then yes. I do give more to others than to myself. But Barbara, didn’t your entire post on Jan 1, 2014, talk at length about your awakening and your decision points and the moment you made at each turn with those in mind. Through out my life I have had 2 major goals, 1 to ensure I have taken care of my family, and 2 to lead a good enough life to get to heaven. Even before I was diagnosed with this disease I had felt that I had accomplished my mission. That I could go in peace because I had prepared. With the diagnosis of COPD and the impact it will have on me, I have struggled with what to do now. I decided to help others deal with their disease and pending death as best they can. So I now have new goal that will carry me as long as I can go forward. So yes I give more to others than to myself. Barbara, i have enjoyed our exchange. I hope we have many more conversations. Take care, Bill

  12. livingwithshadows

    February 26, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    ah bill it all sounds very wearing.. keep a hold on your patience! hoping that 4/5 5/5 week is just around the corner. now off to dig out my matchbox 20 cd! oh yes!

    • FlaHam

      February 26, 2014 at 5:39 pm

      Shelley, Smiling, I to hope for better weeks ahead and that is the direction that I travel. I am also glad you enjoyed the music reference. I will most likely find a way to slip in what I am listening to each week with m y How I Feel post. Just for a bright spot. Take care and be safe, Bill.


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