How I Feel for the Week of 05.16.14

18 May

For the week ending 05.16.14, I decided to cheat and start this report on Thursday morning as I sit and have my monthly IVIG treatment. It is a quiet place, and I am causing a ruckus by having the audacity to actually question the billing methods.  LOL my vitals are checked repeatedly throughout the process, and my 1st blood pressure reading of the morning was 112/62 after the initial conversation with the billing folks my blood pressure was 124/74, 30 mins later bp is now 132/82. I told them to go ahead and call 911 because by the time I get the billing issues resolved to my liking I will most likely have a stroke. I am not the least bit surprised but the upswing and I suspect before the end of the billing conversation it will be in the 140/90 range.  But it will drop quickly back to normal 5 minutes after the process is complete. Sidebar; The 1st comment I received pointed out that I didn’t give a score for how I felt for the week.  I am rating the week overall a 2.75.  It was a good week, not great, but the fact that I was so dang busy all week kept the score from climbing.  BTW thanks Brenda for pointing this lapse out.  Yes LOL I failed an expectation. But Thanks for pointing it out.  Take care, Bill

Health wise very little has changed, the coughing is about the same, tiredness normal, SOB seems to be progressively worse than last week, and my energy level seems to be less than what I would consider normal. Also, my inspirations are still running at a rate over 20 breathes a minute. There seems to be no repercussions from the removal of the tooth, and no residual pain.  I will admit that I am falling apart LOL LOL I will also admit that when I do these weekly reports they are more a general health update and not strictly related to my COPD.  I guess the simple thing is the fact that folks with COPD or other terminal diseases have “normal” health issues to deal with during their progression thru the disease.

Let get the vitals out-of-the-way for the week ending 05.16.14

  • INR = 1.8 taken 05/12/14 – dosage changed – retest on 05.19.14

  • O2 level @ 2.5 LPM = 92 taken on 05.15.14

  • Peak Flow = 212 taken 05.15.14

  • BP = 112/62 taken 05.15.14

  • Heart rate = 108 taken 05.15.14

  • Temp = 98.2 taken 05.15.14

  • Weight = 267.2. taken 05.15.14

So ends the technical aspect of my “How I Feel This Week” report for the week ending 05.16.14, moving now to the word of the week discussion aspect.  This week for the 2nd week in a row, we are going to talk about Expectations.  I had a tremendous amount of positive feedback on the topic of expectations, both here and on DS, for which I’m greatly appreciative. Last week I spend a good bit of time talking about the expectations we impose upon ourselves and the very real need to give ourselves a break.  Today I would like to talk about those expectations that others have and place on us.   As normal we will start with the web dictionary definition of the word:

ex·pec·ta·tion  — noun  1. the act or the state of expecting: to wait in expectation. 2. the act or state of looking forward or anticipating. 3. an expectant mental attitude: a high pitch of expectation. 4. something expected; a thing looked forward to. 5. Often, expectations. a prospect of future good or profit: to have great expectations.

Last week I found this to be one of the better definitions I have used for a word or phrase, this remains true for this week, and it’s still a great definition.

When I wrote about expectations last week I briefly spoke to the expectations that others hold us to.  I earnestly and flippantly said “F…..K them.”  I have had a week to think about that remark and I really wish it were even remotely that simple.  I am equally sure when you read that last week you had to have said “Bill, you got to be kidding, it’s never that simple.”  In truth (in my opinion) F them is the furthest point from that position.

The expectations others have is us, come from many places: a. the expectation may be a value that the imposer establishes without any regard to the individual, b. the expectation may be the result of a previously demonstrated skill or talent, c. the expectation may come as a result of a learned or taught behavior. d, the expectation may come from a performed habit, e. the  expectation may come from a negotiated agreement or f. the expectation may come as a result of or a combination of these.  More troubling is the fact that the expectation could come from or be imposed upon you from someone you don’t even know.  A good example of this could be a high school athletic that demonstrates superb skills that is being watched and stalked by recruiters and coaches at higher levels of the sport based purely on their expectations for his potential. That athletic could say F it, and be done. But rarely does that happen, what generally happens is that the athletic learns of the expectations and works to meet and exceed those expectations, those expectations becoming the focal point of their lives.  I am sure you have seen many other examples of this type of expectation and I am not going to dwell on it for this post.

This post is about the expectations others place on the sick and terminally ill.  It’s about how those of us in this position deal with the expectations of others.  Everyone has someone who expects something. This is just a simple fact of life.  But the expectation and the direction from which is comes can have a dreadful impact.  The direction can come from a spouse, a child, some other loved one, a neighbor, a caregiver, the boss, a co-worker, and the list is really endless.  Thankfully most of us only have expectations from a couple of directions.  I believe the closer the caregiver is to the individual who may be ill, the less the expectations drop during the course of the illness, until it is slap in the face apparent.  Then the expectations drop dramatically.  Clearly this isn’t always the case, but the ones closest to the person who is sick, sees each gradual step of decline, and these steps blend together, making noticing the change that much more difficult, and because the change isn’t noticed, the expectation is not reduced.  If you don’t notice the change it is extremely hard to adjust one’s expectations.  This isn’t the care givers fault; I believe it’s just nature.  But it doesn’t change the fact that the care giver while seeing the deterioration of abilities does not adjust their expectations.

Sometimes the care giver does in fact notice the inability of the ill, to perform has they had, and actually addresses it with the person receiving care.  It is incumbent on the person needing care, to speak up, to acknowledge that they need help and be honest and forthright about it.  Folks, I have to stop here and WAVE my hands, because this is clearly a case of “do as I say, and not as I do.”  I am terrible, and I am sure I have put my wife into a bind because of it.  I do still try to man up and meet every expectation no matter the source.  Thankfully I know some very forgiving folks.  There are a bunch of qualified folks that can help both the care giver and the care getter they include; Counselor’s, Clergy, social workers, and Hospice to name a few.  Seek these folks out, find some neutral ground to have the conversation and work on the problem. Soft smile, believe me in my case it will/would/has taken more than one conversation, and it is an ongoing conversation. During the conversation be honest.  I will repeat that be honest.  Having said that, I know, I KNOW, that being honest is not nearly as easy as typing it on this page, but you must make the effort to communicate, these conversations are a must, and they build a foundation by which you and your care giver can keep the lines of communications open.  I know from feedback I have gotten over the last year that some spouses are in some level of denial.  I know this is particularly hard on the care getter, they have made their situation known, they have tried to have the conversations, maybe they have even drawn in outside resources, but the dynamics necessary to get the message through to build that foundation are just not working.  Please don’t give up, that is the last thing either of you need.  Am I saying be a pain in the ass to get the message through, yes I guess I am.  Being gravely ill, or worst terminally ill, is stress enough all by itself.  But outside sources laying unattainable expectations on you does you no good at all. Earlier I said talk to someone, a counselor, your clergy, and your doctor, enlist their help.  Clearly if the caregiver is an employee of some organization get rid of them and have that organization provide someone who understands, and makes the necessary accommodations.  If the caregiver is a spouse or other loved one that will be more difficult.  And I am not smart enough to have a solution, and even if I were, that doesn’t mean my offered solutions would work for you.  I am saying don’t close the door, keep communicating.  If your spouse or other loved one isn’t willing to seek counselling with you, then GO BY YOURSELF, the counselor can and will help you find ways to cope.

Finally a very important aspect which I have not addressed is that the “caregiver” needs help too.  I am a care getter; I know what a PIA I can be.  I know how pig-headed I am. I know I am forever telling my wife I can handle it.  Folks, sometimes I am so full of CRAP.  Having said that, the care giver is under such stress, I would say that the vast majority of care givers are spouses or loved one.  Folks they need time off, the job of care giver has got to be one of the most difficult in the world especially if that care giver is also working full-time to provide the essentials.  A full-time career and a full-time role as a care giver has got to be daunting, it has to wear them down and out.  It has to make them short-tempered from time to time, they do need time off, quiet time, peace, and a real opportunity to relax and regroup.  So it is our job as care getter to accept this and promote this, and help our care giver to the fullest extent possible without over doing.  That’s a key here you can’t over do.  Your care giver needs your understanding, your blessing, and your insistence that they can take a break and grab some me time.  Please keep this in mind.

This has gone on way to long. I thought when I started Thursday that I would have wrapped this up and posted by sometime Friday afternoon.  But life got in the way.  I hope this opens the door for communications, and allows for the dynamics between care giver and care getter to form its own bond.  Also I am sure this won’t be the last time we talk of these roles and responsibilities.

As always if you have any questions, concerns, or comments please feel free to bring to my attention, I will answer as completely and honestly as possible. Please take care, Bill


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32 responses to “How I Feel for the Week of 05.16.14

  1. Brenda

    May 18, 2014 at 7:53 pm

    Possibly I missed it, but I didn’t see an over all number for the week. I hope you have not slid below 2.5, but I suppose that’s an expectation, isn’t it? LOL Well you got me, we all have expectations of each other. The hard part is when you and your spouse have split up the chores of life, and you feel you can’t meet your end anymore. I hate feeling like that. I would be a bad patient.

    • FlaHam

      May 18, 2014 at 8:02 pm

      Brenda, You are 100 pct correct I did not rate the week. I have resolved that oversight and have given the week a 2.75 rating and a shout out to you for picking it up. Thanks Bill

      • Brenda

        May 18, 2014 at 8:08 pm

        Woo-hoo!! You met and exceeded my expectations, and I am overjoyed for you that your number has not slid, despite lamenting a bit in your word of the week portion. I liked your 8 things you like about yourself, by the way, but it didn’t seem finished. I felt you could have talked about your ability to communicate, articulate and enjoy life. 🙂 And your music should have made the list. LOL Hugs, Brenda

        • FlaHam

          May 18, 2014 at 8:33 pm

          Brenda, A perfect example, I failed your expectations about the things I like about me. I have been a rather skillful and relatively successful communicator most my adult life. I really do enjoy talking, and talking about me is fun LOL. But it isn’t something I love about me. Like music I love listening to music, but if I made music I would have included it on my list. But you are making it easier for me the next time I am challenged. And thank you for liking those things about me. Take care, Bill

          • Brenda

            May 19, 2014 at 7:40 am

            We all like talking about ourselves, don’t we? It’s only human of us. 🙂 You take care, too. Brenda

            • FlaHam

              May 19, 2014 at 12:34 pm

              Brenda, LMAO, I am the guy in the beer commercial, I am the most interesting person in the world LOL LOL LOL My problem is I am not creative like you, and several other bloggers I read all the time. I don’t have you’ll’s talent. So I have to write about me, or my daughter or my granddaughter because I know about me and them. Sure I could write about my wife, but she is a private person, and writing about her would be a clear violation of her privacy. That I won’t do. So you will get stories about ME. LOL Take care, Bill

              • Brenda

                May 19, 2014 at 1:44 pm

                My stories are about me, too, just in a tricky kind of way. Fiction is best founded on truth. I get to know the secret, what was truth and what was fiction. 🙂 Thanks for your following and comments. They mean a lot to me! Hugs, Brenda

                • FlaHam

                  May 19, 2014 at 7:05 pm

                  Brenda. I love your posts, the photos are so wonderful and they bring back so many memories of the years I lived up north. The colors the textures, I didn’t realize how much I missed them. But having said that I still wouldn’t move back even if I were healthy. As for your comments, I know they are important to you just as comments are important to me. So I will continue to comment when I have something to say, as for hugs I love them, giving or receiving LOL. so feel free to hug me anytime. Take care, Bill

                  • Brenda

                    May 19, 2014 at 7:26 pm

                    Bill, I like keeping up with you, and I like your numeric system. I like your stories and your sense of humor, too. Take care, Brenda

  2. Barbara Farrelly

    May 19, 2014 at 4:04 am

    Bill, thank you for this post – when the illness is chronic and terminal, it’s a very complex dynamic between care giver and care getter, as you say. A few thoughts.

    I like your point that expectations are set in stone because the care giver doesn’t see the deterioration happen slowly over time. (I can see it myself best from photographs, from normal weight to 38 kilos at my most wasted. I can see it in the puffy prednisone photos and the ones with the nose hose).

    My partner of 21 years, Frances, was very positive for a long time; I don’t think she really believed I was going to die. And I loved her optimism. It sustained me, in truth. Over 17 years we have gone from diagnosis to major disability. Together we decided not to pursue a lung transplant and we have accommodated ourselves to a simple existence. But we have had more time together than well couples, so that’s a silver lining.

    It was my decision not to deny Death, nor to invite Death in and make it a cup of tea. I truly believe a positive mindset can prolong life (along with diet, exercise & meds).

    It was very hard for me, when, just as you said, the expectations shifted dramatically. That happened two years ago as I was recovering from a broken hip, my bones softened by Copd medications. It was a low point. My affairs were put in order and that was the tipping point. No more denial.

    Yesterday I overheard Frances on the phone to her sister, discussing a future in which I wasn’t there. It hit me so hard. And I need to sit with that pain for a while.

    We are now in new territory. Pneumonia might snatch me away tomorrow or, God willing, I may last years.

    I feel terrible that I am leaving my life partner alone; I feel sad that we can’t travel like others and that we can no longer take the rugged bush hikes that we both so loved.

    But Bill, this is what I ask myself: If the situation was reversed, would I mind looking after the love of my life?
    I think you can guess the answer.

    Barb x

    • FlaHam

      May 19, 2014 at 1:04 pm

      Barb, Writing the 2 part post on expectations was the hardest post I have done to date. I had and needed to do it in such a way as to not point fingers. But I know that no matter how you try, at some point, anyone can take what you say the wrong way. I will address your very last comment 1st if the situations were reversed, I would be their until my wife’s last breath. I would most likely be holding her hand and crying my eyes out. So I am indeed lucky to be going first. My heart goes out to you and Frances, from what I have read you have an amazing amount of personal strength, and Frances is offering the love, support, and encouragement that is so necessary to for you to get through. You two are clearly an amazing couple. I can understand why hearing Frances speak of a life after you, would have such an impact on you, but I truly wish I could hear my wife have that same conversation. Neither of us want our significant others to wallow in self-pity after we are gone. We both want them to live and have joy the rest of their lives. At least Frances is not in denial, and that is a very good thing. Here in the States, they now have a 5th stage of COPD called “end stage” that’s where I am. The doctors seem to agree I have about a year. Like you I am not inviting death into my house at all, I don’t have the welcome mat outside the front door. But I am not ignoring its coming. And just like you I will fight it until that last breathe. Barb, please take care, and thank you for embracing me and adding me to your world. Bill -x-

  3. Chatter Master

    May 19, 2014 at 10:00 am

    Bill I am constantly coming in contact with care getters and care givers. This information you shared needs discussed by both. You are so very right. Sometimes it’s the care getter in denial, sometimes the care giver. Sometimes both. And in some situations it is both who are facing what they must face and trying their best to get through it, dealing with reality and getting as much help as they can.

    To be dependent on someone else can be very depressing for many. Having to do much, if not everything, for another can be very exhausting.

    I so appreciate your information sharing.

    I’m glad the week was a 2.75. And I’m sorry it’s taking me so long to get to the blogs. I am behind in my reading and trying to catch up. Had a very active weekend and reading/responding was often done at the buttcrack of dawn or the other side of midnight! 🙂

    • FlaHam

      May 19, 2014 at 12:22 pm

      Colleen, Soft smile, truly you owe nothing, no apology no response. I am always tickled to hear from you, but in reality I don’t expect it. Writing about expectations has been the single most difficult post I have written to date. It is such a complex issue, and touches so so many. It hard to focus on any single aspect, and even more so to try and do so without pointing a finger. The feedback I have gotten so far has been very positive on both Expectations posts, and I am so grateful that I got it out without overly offending anyone (but the jury is still out). Doc Head even gave her two cents and suggested that I write about acceptance, and I know will at some point. As always your encouragement, caring, smiles and charm help me keep going. thank you so very much. Bill

      • Chatter Master

        May 19, 2014 at 6:22 pm

        Well, your expectations should include hearing from me. I think that is a good one, or I hope it is!

        I would love to see what you write about “acceptance” I imagine that will be hard hitting.

        And your posts have never been offensive. Ever.

  4. The Persecution of Mildred Dunlap

    May 19, 2014 at 10:21 am

    Expectations in any relationship is challenging but when one is ill it really places an extra stress on both parties, especially when it’s a path we’ve never walked down and are gauging our actions on the past. The way we cope levels the playing field so we stay in balance and along that line you, my friend, are a man to be emulated. ❤

    • FlaHam

      May 19, 2014 at 12:27 pm

      Paulette, I don’t know about emulated, but I will say I am trying to blaze a path for those who haven’t had to walk a mile in my shoes yet. But sad to say, as it stands right now, anyone with COPD will at some point be in these shoes. My only goal is to make it just a tiny bit easier when they put them on. Expectations is very touchy subject. And it wasn’t until I wrote the 1st piece that I realized how truly difficult writing part 2 was going to be. I really think it is one of my better works, lord knows I put my soul into it. As always thank you for you continued support and love. You are a true sweetheart and I am so so grateful our paths crossed and linked. Take care, Bill

  5. Wanda

    May 19, 2014 at 5:56 pm

    Bill, I cared for my mother for about three weeks when my father couldn’t because of his own health issues. It was much more demanding than I expected, both physically and emotionally.

    Mom had her first stroke shortly after Dad retired. I don’t know what they planned to do during retirement–it never felt right to ask since anything beyond a quiet life at home became impossible after the first stroke. That one robbed her of everything but her right hand and her (somewhat twisted :)) sense of humor. She had several more strokes over the years, each one stealing a little bit more of her independence. Dad dealt with Mom (definitely not an easy task), the house, yard, car, shopping, children and grandchildren, etc., mostly without complaint. During one of the most poignant conversations I had with him (after Mom died), Dad said something along the lines of “I’ve learned a lot about patience these last 10 years.”

    I don’t mean to make a saint out of my dad for his role in my parents’ relationship because I know my mother was hugely frustrated by what she could no longer do. Given her physical limitations, Mom had an equally hard row to hoe–she was entirely dependent on someone else (Dad) for anything, everything. Bottom line, I guess my reply echoes your post…there are no allowances for terminal illness: care recipients and caregivers must each deal with an impossibly difficult set of circumstances.

    Take care, my friend.

    • FlaHam

      May 20, 2014 at 9:50 am

      Wanda, I have had only short periods where I was accountable as the care giver, I thought for the most part I held up well, but I know I could have done a much better job. Being a care giver because your a spouse, child, significant other, friend, or any other non paying role is an emotional avalanche. It sometimes is the most thankless job in the world, while being the most demanding. I think your dad had a great line “I learned a lot about patience ….. ” that really says it all. Soft smile, we do all in fact learn to deal with the circumstances as best we can, for the situation we are in. Please take care, Bill

  6. Clowie

    May 21, 2014 at 2:54 am

    You’re right we all have expectations of others and we all have to deal with others’ expectations of us. It must be difficult when the situation is stressful for both, but being able to see that the situation is stressful for the other person must be a better place for communicating than for people who can’t see that.

    • FlaHam

      May 21, 2014 at 6:08 am

      Clowie, What an astute observation. The dynamics between caregivers and caregetters is amazing. And these dynamics changes with the progression of the disease. But sometimes the change is not for the better. Communications is key, the continued positive relationship between caregiver and caregetter hinge on the ability to communicate. Sadly this ability is not always there, and the relationship between caregiver and caregetter suffer gravely. Clowie, thank you as always for stopping by and offering your comments they are always greatly appreciated, Biped Bill

  7. Marlyn

    May 22, 2014 at 7:43 pm

    I’m so not in the frame of mind to be that magnanimous. And only you know why:) LOL

    • FlaHam

      May 22, 2014 at 10:27 pm

      Marlyn, Yes I do, just hang in there. Please don’t let the collective crap drag you down. Take care, Bill

  8. benzeknees

    May 25, 2014 at 6:02 pm

    Good one today Bill! After the visit with the psychiatrist last week, he suggested I get with a support group to discuss some of the issues I am dealing with. An internet search of groups in my area show there are virtually no groups available. The one group for Panic or Anxiety Disorder states in their messages – this is not a group for people struggling with panic or anxiety currently, this is a positive group where we discuss what is working. So no joy there! The only COPD support group is on the complete opposite side of the city & would take over an hour to drive there. I am going to keep trying to find someone/some group/support group I can talk to about how I’m feeling. I’m not giving up!

    • FlaHam

      May 26, 2014 at 7:48 am

      Benze, In your search don’t forget to look into online groups. I am a member of such a group for COPD and it is extremely helpful for me. I am pretty sure you could find on for Panic and Anxiety that you could involve yourself with and get some much needed support there. The best part of you note is the fact you are NOT GIVING UP. That is the key and I am so glad to hear you say that. Take care, Bill

  9. sheridegrom - From the literary and legislative trenches.

    June 1, 2014 at 9:13 pm

    Bill – I’m not sure how I got so behind reading your blogs but my guess is that it had something to do with living life. As I mentioned to Barbara a while back, I knew absolutely nothing about COPD until about a month ago. Now, I’m learning more and more from a group of you. I know I hate the disease and what it does to people I’ve come to care about.
    Your posts on ‘expectations’ provides a wealth of material. I’m definitely not my own best friend when it comes to what I expect of myself. I constantly demand more, insist I’ll just keep going even when my body screams no.
    I’ll agree, that line of communication must be kept open. For myself, I often would like to hide out in my office and take care of Tom and only do the bare minimum of human interaction away from home. But, I know that taking Tom to doctor’s appointments is not social engagement. Perhaps some day I’ll figure things out. I know that if I don’t have interaction with others and engage in other activities I’ll meet me old buddy, Mr. depression. Thanks for another thought provoking post.

    • FlaHam

      June 2, 2014 at 12:35 pm

      Sheri, Life getting in the way of reading my posts is one of the best answers, life teaches so so much. You’re joining a large group of us that hate COPD, those of us that have it hate it, those of us that love or care for someone who has it hates it, and I am pretty sure the doctors that treat me hate it as well. There isn’t one good thing I can say about COPD. But the truth is I have it, and damn it I am going to deal with the best damn way I can. Part of my dealing with it is trying to make it easier on those that follow me. If my passing aids someone down the road to be better prepared, then I won my battle. Sure I lost the war, but someone else will be better prepared. That makes me smile. Sheri, I will be one of the 1st to tell you, you can’t hide, it will do you no good at all, and your right Mr. Depression will find you and grab you. And I wish I could lie, but even you do everything in your power to do, there will be times he gets you anyway. That happens to me from time to time, it is all part of the process. You keep reading I will keep stirring your thoughts. Please take care, Bill

      • sheridegrom - From the literary and legislative trenches.

        June 2, 2014 at 6:39 pm

        Bill, I was talking with my best friend of 35+ years and sharing your blog with her. Unfortunately we continue to be separated by thousands of miles but thankfully our friendship remains strong due to almost daily telephone calls.
        Those of us that write about health issues have an urge to share information that may make the road ahead just a bit easier for someone else. Lord only knows being a caregiver is not an easy road and there are times I still think I might lose my mind. The years I still worked in a high stress position and cared for Tom, I thought my head would blow away. Now, it’s those nasty expectations–boy did you get me with that one and I have the word on a sticky note tagged to my computer. For me, expectations goes along with learning how to say the word no.
        Take care Bill. Often my reading of blogs will come in one large chunk of time. I rarely have time where I can sit and watch comments and notifications come into my que. Bottom line, it doesn’t matter, I get to enjoy the read when I get to it. Sheri

        • FlaHam

          June 2, 2014 at 8:56 pm

          Sheri, Each week for the past 15 weeks I have chosen a word or phrase to write about. I have gotten some input from readers, Doc Head has offered her input, and I have just selected aspects of what I am going thru to speak to. Soft smile, expectations was one of my choices, it has been the hardest for me to deal with. No only from those that have expectations of me, but even more so the expectations I have of myself. So I know exactly where you are coming from. I have really worked hard to lower myself expectations. I would suggest you try as well. Lowering your expectations isn’t a mark of failure, it really is an act of courage. To look at yourself in the mirror and know you aren’t what you used to be, and then to acknowledge it publicly takes great courage. I am still working on it. Trust me. Like you I had a career filled with stress, and I have always worked better under pressure than not. Maybe that’s in part why it took so long for me to start my blog. Who know’s? Read when you can and what you want. I have no expectation that every post I write gets read. Take care, Bill

          • sheridegrom - From the literary and legislative trenches.

            June 3, 2014 at 2:42 am

            Bill – I may read in bulk when I land on an excellent blog but that’s simply my own choice. You are an excellent writer and the words are conversational. Each post has something for me to take away.
            I’ve really thought a lot about ‘expectations.’ I know I’ve always been my own worst enemy. My deputy (now retired) and I talk frequently about the expectations we put on ourselves and then how those expectations became the new standards. When I left my position in DC no one applied for it. When I knew for sure that I was leaving and I wasn’t going somewhere where I had the level of authority to take my team with me, I made sure they all had positions locked in before I departed. My deputy and I went through hell and back and I look at government now and wonder why. I keep asking myself what is so important that I have to set the bar so high. Think I’ll take that question to my therapist:) Sheri

            • FlaHam

              June 3, 2014 at 5:31 am

              Sheri, Of my 40 years of government service I worked in DC for almost 25 years. I was at GSA for a good portion of that time. I was fortunate to be there during some interesting times and got to take part and manage some of the responses to those times. It was thru efforts like mine and the folks I worked for and who worked for me, that we were quite successful. And quite clean at the end. As proud as I am for my service to the government I am sadden to sit on the sidelines and be ashamed of our pack of lack of leaders, who’s only interest is their reelection. Oh shit don’t get me started LOL LOL. Thank you for your service. I know you look back and are proud of what you did and what you accomplished, as I am, for my service. We can only hope that we have some “Mr. Smith’s” going to Washington in the coming years to save our country before it goes down the toilet. Take care, Bill


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