For the week ending 08.22.14, it still quiet time, my jukebox is back, and when I sit in my office it is blasting, but I am using my wife’s computer because I really hate the keyboard on the laptop. I will continue to use her computer until I get WORD installed on the new computer.
Since last week the coughing seems to have lessened, as I sit here and coughing up fur ball (that’s a joke folks). The mucus which I am coughing is school paste white, so I don’t believe there is anything further or unusual going on in my lungs. If you remember last week I thought I was going thru a minor exacerbation and during my appointment with Hospice today, my nurse seemed to confirm that suspicion. The heat and humidity is taking its toll, but I am not the only one who is suffering. Normal healthy people are also bending to the will of the continuing summer here in Florida and elsewhere across the country. To avoid the worst of it I stay inside in the A/C, as I suggest you do as well.
The Hospice nurse also noted and said she would advise the doctor of my not using the Trazodone any longer for the reasons stated last week. She went on to say that sometimes Trazodone is ineffective as a sleeping aid. So I will be staying with the Ambien for the time being.
During today’s appointment I was also going to address how I felt I had been blown off last week, besides forgetting to address it, I believe last week was the aberration which happened as a result of changing personal and a recent “right-sizing” at my Hospice. I am going to keep my mouth shut, because in retrospect I believe I had a burr up my butt last week.
On Monday I meet with Doc Head, it was a productive meeting and the hour when quickly. I did show her the gift I was given in July and she was extremely impressed. As I am every time I look at it, and because it sits in front of my monitor I see it often. I was also supposed to see Doc Lungs Monday, but that didn’t happen, I had too many spoons in the bowl, and I didn’t want the 2:20 appointment because he is generally running behind by that point in the day. So I will see him this coming Monday (I will also have my INR checked). This change will put off the conversation regarding my rapid respirations, until next Monday. I did speak briefly with the Hospice nurse regarding this but we didn’t come to any conclusions nor did we agree to any change in current actions. Being honest I have been advised there are other stronger drugs available that can alleviate this, but they come with a price (like; driving while using them), so I will be staying with the morphine for the time being, because in my mind it is the lessor of the evils.
All things considered I am going to rate this week a 2.50 physically, and a 9 on the mental meter. If it were not for the heat and humidity and the SOB that causes this week could have been a 2.75.
Let’s get the vitals out-of-the-way for the week ending 08/22/14
INR = 2.6 taken 07/28/14 – next INR reading scheduled for 08.25.14
O2 level @ 2.5 LPM = 92 taken on 08/15/14
Peak Flow = 210 taken 08/21/14
BP = 118/80 taken 08/21/14
Heart rate = 103 taken 08/21/14
Temp = 99.0 taken 08/21/14
Weight = 258 taken 08/21/14
So ends the technical aspect of my “How I Feel This Week” report for the week ending 08/22/14, moving now to the word of the week discussion aspect. This week I want to spend a few of your minutes talking about “Mad.” As usual I have gone to the internet for an “official” definition. This weeks’ definition comes to us via Dictionary.com I am providing the link because the definition and explanation are so much longer than I anticipated so I will be using the Noun and verb component of the word.
MAD – noun — an angry or ill-tempered period, mood, or spell.
MAD — verb — (used with object), madded, madding. Archaic. to make mad.
MAD – verb — (used without object), madded, madding. Archaic. to be, become, or act mad.
MAD — Idioms — mad as a hatter, completely insane.
A few weeks ago I wrote about angry and anger, those 2 words caused a ton of wonderful thought-provoking comments, dialog and a lot of discussions between myself and blog buddies, as well as, my friends on Daily Strength. Much more than I expected, which caused me to think that I may have been looking to write about being mad almost as much as I wanted to write about being angry. Because there is a significant difference between being angry and being mad, but are many times they can be interchangeable.
Mad is unique to the individual, we all get mad, we get mad at all manner of things, incidents, events, individuals, poor driving, spouses, children and the list goes on into infinity. But what many of the terminally ill people I have shared comments/discussions/thoughts with find is that rarely are we mad about dying. We have reached that point where dying isn’t the issue, it’s a result. Yes we get emotional about dying, none of us wants to die, but dying isn’t the root problem. The terminally ill have the same problems/issues as a healthy individual, we all get mad when we see events that makes our blood boil, or see another politically charged commercial pointing out faults rather than offering solutions, or read about a child being abused, or how old folks are such easy prey to scam artists, and how the homeless are treated. We all get mad when we feel poorly treated, or misused, neglected, lied to, cheated on, robbed, accused of (fill in blank) or ignored and this list could go on forever as well. These emotions run deep to the soul of everyone, healthy or terminally ill.
Our discussions have found that being terminally ill is the act blamed for a lot of the “mad” and angry going on between caregivers and patients, between spouses, between friends or any of the different possible combinations. It’s a label we can all reach for to excuse “mad” behavior, saying if they weren’t dying then they wouldn’t be acting so mad. The reality is that we could be mad for any or all of those listed above. What then happens is that the root cause of the mad (whatever issue it maybe) is never resolved, it is sometimes casted aside only to flare up again and again, each time being deflected by saying “she’s mad because she is dying.” Or he doesn’t understand because he is sick. Being terminally ill is not an excuse or an alibi for being mad. Discussions have led me to think that some, maybe many terminally ill folks just let the blame fall on “dying” because it is the easiest solution. This way they don’t have to waste the time or energy clearing up why they are mad. Allowing the “mad” to be tied to “terminally ill” allows both parties to get pass the problem without addressing the problem, and everyone moves on until the next time. Conversely I have heard stories where the terminally ill were in fact a major PIA and carried their dying like a shield to deflect any reproach Saying things like, I did it or felt this way because I am dying, and on and on. It is a two-way street, that both sides try to travel with the least bit of friction.
This post isn’t about pointing fingers, it’s about opening eyes. Being terminally ill or healthy doesn’t change one’s basic values, it doesn’t change one’s morals, it doesn’t change being right or wrong. Being terminally ill is not an excuse for being an ass. But being healthy doesn’t allow arguments to be shifted “X is only mad because she/he is dying.” Arguments and mad have to be settled on their own merits and not because one of the parties in the argument is terminally ill.
As always if you have any questions, concerns, or comments please feel free to bring to my attention, I will answer as completely and honestly as possible.. Please take care, Bill